Only a few short months before graduation, the William S. Hart District Board Members stated that they will award Valedictorian to the student with the most followers on Instagram, redirecting the stereotypical Valedictorian title from academics to the more relevant focus of social media popularity. 

Hart district officials have been long awaiting to shift the graduation ceremony’s focus to be “more with the times.” By reorganizing the emphasis around social media, it will prepare students for the harsh reality of the real world such as not getting enough likes on a selfie post and the struggle of finding a picture that will perfectly fit a student’s aesthetic. 

Ever since Saugus High School eliminated the academic title many years ago, the administration has noticed a decrease in academics and an increase in social media use. “Before, students would recklessly compete in the most rigorous courses to earn the title, but now students seem to have more interest in the number of likes your post is getting rather than how to factor this polynomial,”  snorted Saugus calculus teacher, Marty McPi. 

With all the controversy, an angry Facebook group was put together. A member of the group and parent of a Centurion student, Korrin Tean, stated “It’s insane! My daughter hasn’t even talked to a single one of her classmates this whole week because they are all glued to Instagram and Tik Tok! She can’t even tell me what she learned this week.”

School psychologist, Chris P. Bacon supported Tean in a recent interview with The Scroll, “These students will take any and every opportunity to be on their phone. What used to be a device that barely any student had has now become the sole reason for the lack of common sense in today’s generation. For example, we live in California, we have earthquakes. In the event of an earthquake, a student would first go to tweet ‘Did anyone else feel that?!’ on Twitter, rather than evacuating a building.”

Despite the amount of backlash the announcement is receiving, many people are in favor of the new policy.

Principle Vince Ferry stated, “I don’t see a problem with reviving the Valedictorian title to reward social media users. I feel that social media has become such a big part of the student’s lives that it’s only fair that we award them for their hard work of the art of Instagramming” Ferry continued, “It really is a changing world. I myself enjoy endlessly scrolling through memes and my pal’s feeds, so why shouldn’t the students?”

April May, the student with the most followers on Instagram in the 2021 class stated, “OMG, I feel like I live on Instagram. It’s kind of like a safe place for me, ya know? Like, I love pretending that my life is so much better than it actually is with a simple click of a button.”

When asked about the controversy regarding the title, May stated “I don’t think it’s wrong to award the person with the most followers this award! I like totally feel so honored to get this award. Ya know, I want to be a social media influencer when I grow up, Addison Rae and Kim Kardashian are some of my biggest inspirations. Like they’re total queens.”

Through the amount of differing opinions, William S. Hart Board officials plan to stick with their plan of the rebranded title. 

April Fools! All stories published today on The Scroll are satire. None of the facts, quotes, or details in the story above are true and should not be taken as fact.