Students have been told for years that sleep deprivation is more deadly than an entire pack of cigarettes. This is ridiculous, in fact the opposite has been proven to be true. Plenty of students especially during distance learning, are not sleeping at all and other than a steadily declining mentality they are completely fine.

Studies prove that the amount of sleep a student receives each night is directly correlated with their mood and mentality for the day. With that said, this allows more praise to America’s education system. 

Any student who has been given an assignment, or who struggles or has struggled with severe procrastination can attest to being unbelievably tired in class. By depriving students of sleep, schools in America are not only preparing students for the real world but are also teaching them how to stay composed and customer service-like by smiling through the school day. 

This is similar to how a student would hold themselves in a work environment, while running off no sleep. In the real world, as an employee, you can not decide to not come into work just because sleep was not a luxury that was afforded the night prior to the shift.

 Not to mention the poor individuals who work in the caffeine industry. Due to the lack of hibernation-like peace, the caffeine supplier becomes the fuel in their day, and anyone who has lived with a person with a minor caffeine addiction knows this pre-liquid energy state can get ugly. 

The way students portray themselves, or the way their emotions are interpreted may also be directly related to the amount of sleep their parental units think they have gotten. It is the typical discussion about teenagers between parents that they are moody, know-it-all or even overly opinionated. 

Is it possible that when these words are spoken by parents it is the result of them being overly sleep deprived? Possibly from said teenager stereotypically playing their loud rock music too loud into the late hours of the night. 

Though only a temporary consequence of being sleep deprived in most cases parents tend to love and support their teens more than they despise their sleeping habits. However another common belief is that lack of sleep is what causes parents to misunderstand teenagers. 

The leading majority of the time your teens are not mad and they don’t hate you, they are simply running off caffeine, sugar and maybe 30 minutes of sleep. 

Demonstrating this, Klipfel’s number one student Billy Bones stated, “yeah I probably only got like a half an hour of sleep last night. I was up listening to the Party Rock Anthem.”

To which Mr. Bones added, “ that song is my jam! What was the question? Oh right, I’m completely fine and my ability to focus, sharper than ever. YO did you see that squirrel?!”

The problem is not students and teenagers not sleeping. The issue is that doctors insist that it is needed when nearly an entire generation is running off little to no sleep. 

For example, on Saugus High School’s campus a journalism student overheard another student mention that while watching Grey’s Anatomy, sleep was mostly disregarded, and of course the medically based television show is 100 percent accurate and reliable. 

 Clearly, the stigmatism on sleep deprivation is all some sort of scam and way for adults to be rid of their children at certain hours. More commonly known and unanimously despised in households as ‘bed times’.  In defence, students must rise up and unite against the tyrannical forces of their parental units and stay up till at least four a.m. every day. 

If we as a student body can normalize the rise of sleep deprivation we could potentially morphe the entire population into nocturnal beings of the night or completely cut out sleep all together.

April Fools! All stories published today on The Scroll are satire. None of the facts, quotes, or details in the story above are true and should not be taken as fact.